I’m starting today with big news, everybody. Seth Cohen and Blair Waldorf are dating. Fine, technically, Leighton Meester and Adam Brody are dating, but as if I could ever separate either of those actors from their Josh Schwartz teen TV characters.
And it got me thinking. Could Blair ever date Seth Cohen? Say Seth and Blair both ended up at Columbia or Yale. If they ended up in the same 20th Century Contemporary Art class, I could see it happening. Seth comes from money, which Blair respects. And a close-watching of Gossip Girl reveals that Blair is really nerdy. She drops Game of Thrones references and dresses up like Anna Karenina for sex games. She and Seth would be a really weird, but ultimately entertaining couple. Blair would make Seth a little less self-involved and Seth would make Blair less…evil.
So with this in mind, with Janet Snakehole and my sister’s help, I decided to play TV Matchmaker with some of my other favorite characters. Any suggestions are more than welcome, but realize this: there was a great deal of (i.e. too much) thought put into each of these pairings, so give them a chance. And obviously, 2 characters that exist in the same show do not count.
1) Jess Mariano “Gilmore Girls” and Spencer Hastings “Pretty Little Liars”: Let’s all face facts. Rory Gilmore is Wonder Bread. While I do think that Jess and Spencer would initially hate each other and are both too intense in drastically different ways, they would ultimately be your standard Hate Becomes Love Rom-Com. They are intellectual and clever enough for each other, they would complement each other– Jess needs drive and Spencer needs to laugh at herself more. And come on– the Hate Sexual Tension would be amazing.
2) Dr. Molly Clock “Scrubs” and Harvey Specter “Suits”: Hey-o obscure pairing. Molly Clock, for Scrubs fans that don’t remember, is the flaky but very sexy smart psychiatrist that JD briefly gets infatuated with. Harvey is the most badass and hot lawyer I can think of. Both are confident and strong, but they can be strong individually without stepping on each others toes. I can just imagine the two of them running into each other. Harvey poking fun at Molly’s flakiness and job, and Molly just ripping into him with her talent for honing into anyone’s greatest insecurity. Banter ensues, true love is achieved.
3) Jack Donaghy “30 Rock” and Veronica Palmer “Better Off Ted”: This one is relatively easy. High-powered, Type A, smart but funny. Both wacky, I think they’d respect one another and still have fun. Also Veronica is hot enough for Jack and has Daddy Issues. Boom.
4) Ted Mosby “How I Met Your Mother” and Snow White “Once Upon a Time”: Both come from overly sentimental TV shows that I can’t stop watching. But they also really work. They both need to put their loved one on a pedestal. Ted and Snow White are really sweet, and naively idealistic. As Janet Snakehole put it “She’s constantly looking for her Prince Charming and he’s constantly looking for someone to be that for.” The two could talk endlessly about how in love they are, and would be just the most insufferable couple you know.
5) Shawn Spencer “Psych” and Vampire Jessica “True Blood”: True Blood needs someone with brains to talk everybody off the ledge they constantly want to jump off, and Shawn would combine those brains with a sense of fun that would work well in True Blood’s universe. Jessica would enjoy his childish behavior, and Shawn would just love dating a vampire so much. He actually needs the protection of a vampire for his reckless ways, and Jessica is young-spirited to need some reckless fun, and is tragic/down-to-earth enough to keep Shawn grounded.
6) Kenneth the Page “30 Rock” and Bubbles “Powerpuff Girls”: Blonde, good-hearted simpletons. A little obvious, and I grant you, a little creepy. Still Kenneth is ageless and Bubbles will grow up eventually.
7) Zack Morris “Saved By the Bell” and Quinn Fabray “Glee”: Poor Quinn has had such the run-around. Quinn desperately needed someone smarter than the dummies she ran with at McKinley High. And Zack was much more intelligent than he let on. He’s also extremely manipulative, which Quinn would respect. For Zack, Quinn is so much darker and more complicated than the Bayside Bimbos that she could hold his interest With their cheerleader Aryan super attractiveness, ambition, and puppet-mastery, they could dominate any social scene. Bonus: Quinn’s voice would be a welcome addition to Zack Attack, which was horrible.
8) Michael Bluth “Arrested Development” and Carol Rance “Episodes”: This is so out there, but I think it works so well. Note how well they look as a couple. They are both very put-together, but Michael could handle Carol’s raging neuroses well, and he’d be really good to her. Which she deserves. And for her part, she’d give Michael someone to take care of, which he needs, and is savvy enough to really help with the horrific mess that is the Bluth Company.
9) Buffy Summers “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” and Stefan Salvatore “Vampire Diaries”: It’s a little too obvious in a way. Stefan is essentially VD’s Angel. But I think they work better together than they do in the tragic romances of their own respective shows. Buffy is funnier and stronger than Elena, and Stefan is lighter and has a lot less vampire issues than Angel did. They could sort of “be” like neither get to in their shows. Besides they would love to rock out in 90s garb to Lit and then have intensely hot makeout sessions.
10) Apollo Adama “Battlestar Galactica” and Daenerys Targaryen “Game of Thrones”: Full Disclosure: This pick comes 100% from my sister, b/c I’ve never seen Battlestar Galactica. Both are very principled, and have humanistic, democratic instincts. He’s a warrior, but smart enough to help her govern her “queenship.” Both are naturally leaders, so they complement each other politically and personally. Daenerys may be fearsome, but she starts out gentle/ladylike, so Apollo’s chivalry would be a nice change from her harsh new world. And of course, he’s an excellent pilot and she’s the mother of dragons, so that’s got to come in handy.
And From the Great Pair, Awful Couple File:
11) Carrie Mathison “Homeland” and Sherlock “Sherlock”: Yes, if they teamed up, all crime and terrorism would be eradicated. However, the competing egos, the need for control, the sheer mountain of psychoses to overcome.. it’d be disastrous. Plus, what would they do with their downtime? I feel like they would actually be driven to committing crimes to solve just to spice things up. I think it’d be much better if somehow, the two team up and make a Buddy Cop Movie. I mean, I would see the hell out of that movie.
- Teen Dreams: The Facts of Life, Teen Lesbians, and Queer Invisibility / Visibility (thiswastv.com)
- If Seth Cohen And Blair Waldorf Dated On A TV Show (buzzfeed.com)
- Seth Cohen Is Dating Blair Waldorf (vulture.com)