The Tell-Tale Arts

The Secret Life of the American Babysitter

The characters of the classic Baby-sitters Club series have been frozen in literary time for over a decade, never even making the transition from middle to high school. For those of us who knew Kristy and the gang better than most members of our own families, this is a travesty. We grew up with these gals, so it’s only natural for us to wonder where they are now. Did Logan and Mary Anne get married? Did Stacey end up in New York? Did Claudia finally get a zit?

On behalf of all BSC-lovin’ former tweens, I have imagined a perfect world…a world in which Lifetime releases made-for-TV movies about each of the Baby-sitters Club members. As you will see, some of our favorite middle schoolers may not have ended up where we expected them to (prison), but at least we can all sleep better at night knowing their fates with absolute certainty. So without further ado, I present to you a historically significant Lifetime original movie series: The Secret Life of the American Babysitter.

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Krushed by Rumors: The Kristy Thomas Story

KristythomasIt was no secret that Kristy Thomas was a raging lesbian; equally obvious was Kristy’s extreme obsession with her best friend, Mary Anne Spier. When Mary Anne’s longtime beau, Logan Bruno, was found mysteriously murdered, all police could find at the scene of the crime were several shards of flannel. While the entire town highly suspected Kristy of doing the deed, there was no true evidence and the case was dropped…until now. The Logan Bruno case files have been reopened, and Kristy, now the girls softball coach at Stoneybrook High, is once again under question. Don’t miss Shailene Woodley showcase Kristy’s fall from grace, all thanks to the crushing weight of rumors…and an affinity for plaid shirts.

The Face That Launched a Thousand Yachts: The Claudia Kishi Story

PortraitClaudiaKishiSee how a love match made in tabloid heaven began! Claudia Kishi (Brenda Song) was a stunning but struggling Japanese-American fashion designer in New York. Pierre Casiraghi was third in line for the crown of Monaco, visiting the Big Apple with friends. Pierre saw Claudia, which was enough to launch a passionate affair that shook the French Riviera to the core. Even when facing possible excommunication and being disowned from his family, Pierre couldn’t stop his arduous feelings and married Claudia. Find out how this prince-in-training convinced an entire nation to love a commoner, and how a beautiful simpleton became European royalty.

‘Til Murder Do Us Part: The Mary Anne Spier Story

Screen Shot 2013-02-22 at 3.08.22 PMThe life of Mary Anne Spier (Christy Carlson Romano like you’ve never seen her) unraveled after the unsolved murder of her boyfriend, Logan Bruno. Although convinced she would never love again, she constantly craved human interaction (in large part due to the early death of her mother and inadequate affection from her father). She became what we now know as the Groom Strangler, a longtime elusive serial killer that would reel men in, marry them, and then strangle them with her two long braids. Mary Anne was recently found dead by her own hand, clutching a note that confessed her deeds. This became a landmark case that led to stricter requirements for obtaining marriage licenses–catch the full story tonight, only on Lifetime.

Replacing Sugar With Drugs: The Stacey McGill Story

PortraitStaceyMcGillWatch Ashley Tisdale’s Emmy-nominated performance as diabetic Stacey McGill, shining star of Stoneybrook. Stacey was always pretty, smart, and popular–her teachers and numerous boyfriends could never know that under the sophisticated blonde veneer was a Oxycontin-addicted demon. Stacey tried one of her mother’s post-surgery pills during a particularly stressful study session, and she immediately took a liking to the feeling of calm the pill provided. Faced with the demands of diabetes and her constant attempts at perfection, Oxycontin became Stacey’s one relief. Learn the true story of how this teenage girl overcame her addiction to find eventual success as Ralph Lauren’s personal accountant. Stay tuned after the program for an exclusive interview with the real Stacey and her husband, Sam Thomas.

Just Add Water…And Nitroglycerin: The Dawn Schafer Story

DawnschaferDawn Schafer is known in most environmental circles as the “Jane Goodall of aquatic mammals.” She chose to devote her life to the protection of dolphins after graduating from UC Berekely, but her passion quickly spiraled into a maniacal obsession. Dawn (played by Full House‘s Jodi Sweetin) eventually ended up living a nomad’s life on the beach, completely leaving her human life and behaviors behind. Things took a sinister turn when BP docked an oil tanker in one of her beloved coves. Something in Dawn snapped, causing her to bomb the tanker, seriously injuring over 30 workers (and ironically, one dolphin). Watch how these true events came to pass, including her recent trial and incarceration. This is one incredible tale you HAVE to experience!

Best-Selling Beard: The Mallory Pike Story

pike-bsc-1Author Mallory Pike first entered the spotlight with her best-selling debut fem lit novel, If There’s a God, She’s Laughing at Us. Her fame quickly became overshadowed by rumors that her husband, a freelance personal trainer, had an affair with her male publicist. Critics were quick to assume that If There’s a God only reached commercial acclaim due to the public’s fascination with Mallory living a sad life in a sexless marriage. The Best-Selling Beard dramatizes Mallory’s struggle to land in the American literary canon…not the gossip columns. You won’t want to miss Mara Wilson in a performance that critics have been calling “surprisingly watchable.”

African-American Swan: The Jessi Ramsey Story

BSC_cover16Everyone who knew Jessi Ramsey (Kyla Pratt) could see she had an amazing talent for ballet. After graduating high school, she left the vaguely racist town of Stoneybrook to study intensely at Juilliard, eventually becoming a soloist in a coveted dance company. Now, Jessi is best known not for her flawless pas de bourrée, but for the off-stage scandal that forever changed the public’s perception of the dance community. On the opening night of Giselle, the lead principal fell off the theater catwalk, causing Jessi to step in as her understudy. Tonight, Lifetime asks the big questions…Why was the ballerina on the catwalk? How exactly did a banana peel get up there? Did Jessi’s desire for fame turn to bloodlust?

All photos courtesy of Baby-Sitters Club Wiki

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5 thoughts on “The Secret Life of the American Babysitter

  1. Haha! This is amazing! I always used to secretly read my sister’s BSC books. I always suspected Kristy was gay. AND that she’d end up with Mallory. And that Mallory would write a book about it called The Boob Jar (in tribute to her favourite author Sylvia Plath).

    • Who is Marguerite? As for the others, of course, I can’t speak for Janet Snakehole, but personally I think Shannon is Anna Wintour. She was beautiful, smarter than the rest, and way more ambitious. I doubt anything went that awry in her life, and if it did, I think if anyone knows how to bury the bodies perfectly, it’s Shannon. Abby is…I have no idea. I liked the series way less once Dawn went away and Abby took her place.

      • Marguerite aka Cokie Mason the one who hated the BSC with a passion with her two flunkies. Abby was Dawn’s “replacement” from what I gather. Haven’t read the books in a long while.

        Somehow I think you made a very good assessment on Shannon. Personally I think Shannon could be Hilary Clinton or Ann Coulter.

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